Reclassification Request

PETITIONER NAME

As registered with your national sporting authority, if applicable. Pseudonyms are accepted only where a Statutory Declaration of Sporting Identity (Form SHOATS-7B) has been previously lodged.

SPORT IN QUESTION

Use the common English name. If your sport does not have one, provide the closest phonetic approximation and attach a pronunciation guide.

CURRENT CLASSIFICATION

If you are unsure of your sport's current classification, consult the BOARS Index or contact the Taxonomical Enquiries Desk (allow 4–6 weeks for a response).

PROPOSED RECLASSIFICATION

Requests for “New Parent Sport” status will be automatically escalated to the Grand Tribunal of Sporting Ontology. Petitioners should be prepared to defend their claim in person, in writing, and — if necessary — in sport.

NATURE OF GRIEVANCE

DESCRIBE HOW YOUR SPORT HAS BEEN WRONGED

Minimum 200 words. Emotional appeals are noted but not weighted. Petitions written entirely in capital letters will be treated as a separate offence.

SUPPORTING EVIDENCE

Cite historical, mechanical, or kinesthetic evidence. Anecdotal testimony from referees is admissible. Dreams are not. Interpretive dance may be submitted as a supplementary appendix but must be notarised.

I declare that the above information is true, complete, and submitted in good faith under the SHOATS Code of Taxonomical Conduct (1991, amended 2003). I understand that wilful misrepresentation of a sport's fundamental nature is a Category 3 Taxonomical Offence and may result in my sport being reclassified as a “Known Heresy” irrespective of its actual merits.

IMPORTANT NOTICES REGARDING YOUR SUBMISSION:

All submissions are reviewed in the order in which they are spiritually received. This may not correspond to the order in which they were physically submitted. SHOATS maintains no obligation to explain the distinction.

Standard processing times range from 6 to 18 months. Expedited review is available only in cases of “imminent taxonomical collapse” as determined solely by the Chief Classifier.

SHOATS reserves the right, at its absolute discretion, to reclassify the petitioner's sport further from its desired category than its current placement. This is not considered a punitive measure but rather a “corrective taxonomical adjustment.”

Filing a frivolous reclassification request is an offence under the Taxonomical Integrity Act 1993 (Cth), s. 14(2)(b), punishable by a formal written rebuke and/or a 24-month suspension from all future reclassification proceedings.

The tribunal's decision is final, binding, and metaphysically absolute. No appeals, reversals, or hauntings will be entertained.

Submit a Reclassification Request